You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
