i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
