just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
