so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just had sex bonerless
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
