dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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