U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
