But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
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Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
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Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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