i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
