nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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