so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
