I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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