she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
