Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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