id be glad to
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
