How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
