My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
