I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
