I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
