I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
