The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You are a genius and a whore.
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