covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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