the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
