I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
