i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
