She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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