last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
