Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
