Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
