I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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