its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
