Having a random hookup so left but love u
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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