margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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