5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
