When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
