just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
