He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
