that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
