break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
