the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
