I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
