first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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