you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
