I think my vagina is haunted
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
