He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
