We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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