First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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