I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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