I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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