How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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