I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
