we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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