she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
