god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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