I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
