Pappa wants mamma naked
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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