in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I would ride that face into the sunset
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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