also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
