Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
