I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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