I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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