he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
