Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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