i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
