whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
