I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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