Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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