dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
