I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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