Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
