I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Mom said you looked used
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
