I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Redeem this text for a blowjob
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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