Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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