I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
