oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you will always have a special place in my vag
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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