His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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