Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
