I think I won the penis lottery.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
