they need to just BURY HIM!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
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Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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