that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
where are you?
Hypothermia
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
