You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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