The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
